Tuesday, January 11, 2005


Did you hear about the mentally handicapped Kennedy sibling who was lobotomized by her parents, JFK's parents? She was a functioning person, but they thought she might be "too functioning" and could cause embarrassment (pregnancy, legal problems, etc). They followed the advice of doctors who said that if they scraped out a part of the brain that they would be safe with their errant offspring.

Last night, I was categorized for a lobotomy, in my dreams. There were four of us, and I was deemed bad at dance and somewhat rebellious (I stole some candy that I found). An offcial woman came in and gave me my file. The dream was highly detailed, particularly prior to the judgment when we were being held in captivity. I could observe the facility we were in, and the mindless people milling and swimming about.

My dreams have been like this lately. I told my daughter that when I sleep I'm going to go visit those people and that society! My dreams have become so populated. Why couldn't I be camping in the mountains instead or lost in the desert? Bizarre. Dad has vivid dreams as well.

My homeschooling dread has resurfaced strongly now that I'm on the brink of it. Perhaps I think it will be like a social lobotomy (for me) -- I have many friends to get together with many days of the week. I know how that time and circumstance makes a friendship work. I will mostly miss my Monday morning running partner and our long walk/talks afterwards. Perhaps we can reschedule, but she's busy with piano lessons in the evenings.

I'm quite sad about all of this. Too sad to call my Iowa homeschooling friend who could give me lots of advice. But it's something I want and need to do. We've gone all the helpful routes that we can through the public school, and they have been wonderful, but not adequate for what Cody needs. God will have to be in this with us, otherwise my lobotomy will be irreversible.

Thanking him for hope,

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