Monday, January 10, 2005

Julie and Lisa

Julie Miller, do you know her? She has an awesome song called, "Out in the Rain" [I keep on walking ... ]. I didn't know her until a coffee ministry guy and I started talking about music and he loaned me some of his c.ds which many people don't like except him and me (and others unknown I'm sure). The song is great, and Julie and Buddy Miller are wonderful, plaintive with a beat and artsy-imagistic lyrics. I think I'll buy it as tun-a-therapy. Her info is at

My day is roller-coastering. An e-note from the teacher which says "What to do with your son?" just hit me. I confess I've been doubletalking/thinking things like: "Okay God I will sacrifice my self-pleasures on a rock in the mountains and homeschool, but perhaps maybe you'd also like to tangle a ram's horn in time so that I won't have to actually go through with it!" And begging like this: send us a ram which gives us an allergy cure which cures his autism and other behavioral concerns. Make him adaptable and not special needs. Strike us with healing, s'il Vous plait.

The homeschooling idea keeps coming up. For four years now, I've backburnered it with an accompanying feeling of dread. I haven't been ready to be that sacrificial and with a special needs kid, it's more difficult. Yet Cody's trouble at school is not the same as at home: there he has the stimuli, the social things that confuse and label and depress him, the expectations to fit into a box. And, as he approaches middle and junior high with the limited time and attention of secondary teachers (I know because I've been in their shoes), Cody will continue to either be a problem or to fall through the cracks entirely. And, here I am at home, a certified teacher....
Prior to this writing, I decided to keep him home beginning in the fifth grade. Yet it now knocks, and I'm scared. I would miss my friendships that I keep alive now; I would miss alone time, personal time.......
Yet other times, I can't wait to start. Since the new year, I've checked out some homeschooling books at the library. I'm reading Lisa Whelchel's "So You're Thinking About Homeschooling," and most of homeschooling is portrayed as difficult but wonderous. The potential for the student is favorable. The parents all seem to be less burdened (by what's going on in the schools -- bullying, academic limiting, social pressures) and more involved in shaping their child's outlook on learning and life. Good stuff. Inspiring.
Since the new year, I have been lessening my volunteer commitments. I do have the free time now to do this. In a week or two, my life may change. I've been seeking to serve my family more. Why don't I just let it happen?
This may be it.

No comments: