But the eyes of the Lord are on those who fear him, on those whose hope is in his unfailing love, to deliver them from death and keep them alive in famine. (Psalm 33:18, 19 NIV)
A maze is embedded in the verses above -- a maze of the mind, a maze of relinquishing up the knowledge that one is lost, a maze of trusting that Someone will provide the way out, a maze of expectation.
I read these verses knowing how difficult this is, especially under duress. When things get tough for me, I often want to blame God. I become mad, bitter, and my eyes are downcast upon disbelief. I think about all those Haitians who died under the rubble, Christian and non-alike. I think about the raw course of nature which consumes people. I think of children who are routinely abused in our evil world. I think, "Where was God then? Is He something we make up during our times of reflection and comfort? Is He nothing but a creed?"
The act of faith, though, obliges me to believe in the confusing presentation of hope seen in the above verses. I must choose, and I must choose with admittance which disbelieves in the opposite of what the verses proclaim.
I must choose to believe that:
a) the eyes of the Lord are on me, because I do fear him
b) He has unfailing love which provides me with hope
c) that He will deliver us from natural death
d) that He is our hope and shield.
Why does my spirit still doubt? I think of my friend's husband who died of brain cancer; she believed in healing and rescue more than anyone I know. Yet she still preaches on the hope and the love of God. I wish I could reconcile my doubt and my choice and my longing of belief.
But, I must choose because I want to and because I love God. I must trust Him with all answers to hard questions.
Lord, I am allowing your words to enter into my spirit. Please torch and let my confidence become enflamed into a bright light. Today, I will meditate on these verses in belief and confidence. I will seek understanding and trust. Amen.
Tuesday, June 26, 2012
Sunday, June 24, 2012
You have not given me into the hands of the enemy but have set my feet in a spacious place. (Psalm 31:8 NIV) I really like this verse as it has room for interpretation. Room, get it? Relates to "spacious places." I think about my own life and how God has not left me in the hands of the enemy. My enemy would be worry, fear, passivity, non-engagement, wrong loves, but God has known to plant my feet in spacious places when I sought him. In these places, I can roam freely, like I can in my girlhood home in the woods where I don't have to worry about men-predators, where I am safe, where I can enjoy my thoughts and the beauty around me. I also think of fields where I've roamed. God can lead me to see the beauty in the summer heat, in the droning of the crickets, in the subtle designs of nature. I also think that God places my feet in spacious places because I can be free to move in His direction and in the direction He has for my life. I've been lifted from the tangled path and placed more purposefully upon good ground. My enemies have been thwarted; God has seen to my needs and safety. Grateful.