Wednesday, February 16, 2005

No ceasing

"Pray without ceasing," says the Bible. I feel great sadness for a friend this morning, and, literally, slept with a prayer in my mind the whole night for her.
Whenever my friends pray for me, I feel a certain strength surround me. I pray for your hope and guidance for her, God.

This evening, I need prayer as well. I'll be talking to the Wednesday evening group and sharing some vulnerable times in my life. Our leading question is: Describe a time when you felt most lost.

There I sat with a baby in my arms, and a six year old girl, and a husband whom I felt, at the time, that I didn't have much in common with. God was a distant shadow of a better, more naive time. God, actually, had gone, burst into a thousand pieces by a thousand philosophies of negation. I was informed, I had read, I had disavowed in the face of words and circumstances.

Until I was lost, and He flooded my office after a simple question and a strong denial. "Do you think God loves you?" Crazy, childish stuff. "No." And, then the flood came into my office, and it said, "Why build walls? You are tangled up and lost. Now's the time to return." And, I did, and I still get tears in my eyes to recall that moment of his desire for me again. It was real and bold.

I need to find that video of me, lost, skinny, with baby, with imaginations of escape. Change has occurred, might as well document grace.

I pray that you have a grace-filled day,
Fieldfleur

1 comment:

lady laura said...

Thanks so much for your prayers,Heart Friend:-)
You did a great job sharing your story. I know that many women were touched by your honesty and transparency.I was.
It is a joy to serve with you and to call you friend.