Tuesday, December 06, 2005

My daughter is going to her first job interview; she dressed in an appropriate skirt and jacket; she curled her hair; she took pains. Any moment, she will come driving down the cul-de-sac with a report on their reaction. I didn’t have the chance to give her tips, only as she was walking out the door did I return from errands. I yelled, “Give ‘em a firm handshake, talk about what you have done for your grandmother and for us, “ (This last part was done with a smirk, I’m afraid – she notoriously dislikes housework.)

My little girl is growing into a little woman. How does that happen? And, I must say, it has been difficult letting go of that small child who used to be my loving companion in many ways. Now, it feels like there are constant strains which I guess is supposed to happen between a teenage daughter and her mother. Still, it’s hard; I have more expectations than I thought for her development which she’s trying hard to debunk. I thought that I would have a kid who would value my opinion more. I thought that I would have a kid who would clean her room more. I thought that my kid would be interested in God and His ways more. That she would show more affection. That she would like a boy that I liked and deemed good. That she would be less interested in shopping like me.

I must admit that I do carry these disappointments around too much. Lately, it seems as if I am ready to criticize her on almost everything for being something that I want her to be. I do love her very much, though. She is a good kid in many ways. I feel like a canoe scraping gravel, stuck and not moving forward much. Father, please help me show her unconditional acceptance and love at all times, even within a framework of trying to guide her into a more full, safe, and productive life. Amen.

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