Saturday, May 06, 2006
I googled an old best friend from college and found out that he and his wife (who was my resident assistant) are missionaries in Central America. Because of his cynical inquiring mind, I found it to be doubly gratifying that he had plowed through the questions, plowed through the doctorate in philosophy, plowed through the preponderance of mighty thoughts and kept hold of faith. Kept hold of a hand. It was fun to see his big grin (and to know the silliness that accompanied it most of the time) posted in the middle of playing with his kids or the natives in the land. I'm certain that he's a gift to them, dropped from the north, full of heart and energy, and good thoughts.
And then, I felt inadequate. What was my week about? Taking care of my one sick kid in a big house, meeting for poetry or coffee with my friends, playing my guitar, tidying up after a long pleasurable trip. It all seems selfish in a way. I'm hardly doing any visible work for the "Kingdom" these days. I used to be active in ministry at church, but l've withdrawn from that because of feeling the need to be home more, to burrow due to the daughter situation, to travel more with my husband to Little Rock. As a matter of fact, my connection to church community feels slim at the moment. I know there are seasons of activity ....
I communicated these thoughts to a friend, and she was encouraging. She's a musician and said that perhaps, during this time, I'm supposed to be doing just this: nurturing the family (an important calling); playing and perhaps writing music; and, just learning about my faith in relationship to God, not the church, not in serving others in a community at the time. She's right of course. However, I pray that when it's time for active, outward service, God will kick me with strong intent (along with my husband too. Kick him too, God!) so that we will get out of our comfortable places, which is often hard to leave. I pray that here I can still be mindful of his work in my home and heart and in other forms of giving.
I'm so proud of my friend for responding to the need. May his family's work be protected, blessed, and influential in bringing Christ's love to areas which are needed. As a ripple effect, I'm glad to be reminded, convicted, and influenced regarding my part as well.
Posted by Fieldfleur at 8:53 AM