Tuesday, September 27, 2005

Yesterday Cody had a meltdown in my class at the co-op school. He tore up papers, threw a couple of chairs down, shredded paper, and muttered, "I'm evil. I'm evil." He was frustrated because he was socially left out at an earlier class which transferred into mine. So, he then he felt like the rejection needed to be made complete by being as outrageous as possible, with the other boys staring at him like he was a total freak. That's my boy!
I felt all day and this morning like I had walked into a parenting sinkhole. Sad. Worried. Then, I checked on my Asperger at Home yahoogroup which had the following post; I sent it to my husband who cried like I did when I read it. I think it's worth sharing and keeping:

The Insider's View of Life With a Special Needs Child
Someone I love relies on me in ways you will never understand. Someone I love endures pain and challenges that break my heart and renew my spirit at the same time. Someone I love is unable to advocate for themselves for things that most of us take for granted. Someone I love will never have the opportunities that every child should have. Someone I love will need conditional love and support after I am gone-this frightens me to the core. Someone I loveencounters pity, stereotyping responses and prejudice at every turn, because they look, actand/or learn differently from others. Someone I love has needs that require me to allow "outsiders" to have power and input in areas that should be mine alone to meet. Someone I love will continue to look to me for everything in life long after other children are able to assume a place as part of the world. Someone I love has needs that require more time and energy than I haveto give. Someone I love has needs that mean I am not able to meet basic needs of my own. Someone I love has needs that have become the driving force behind major decisions my family makes. Someone I love has changed me in ways I will never beable to describe. Someone I love has taught me about love and about the really importantthings in life...
Copyright 2000 by Communication Skill Builders, a Harcourt Health SciencesCompany. Lori A. Hickman is the author.


alaiyo said...

That is truly lovely. Heart-rending, yet lovely. I have not had to directly deal with this, but our son married a woman with a child who was born early and had a brain bleed; she is almost 13 now, only learned to walk on her own in the past two-three years, cannot communicate with language (I think she can say two or three words; she said "bye" to me one night and my son said that was extremely rare), will never be able to have any kind of independence whatsoever. And yet . . . what a lovely girl she is, so loving and her own unique and fascinating personality, and a clear sense of her place within her family.

So much to learn from the love special needs children give us and need from us.

God bless you in this continuing journey. Cody is a blessed child to have you and your husband for his parents.



Fieldfleur said...

Thanks, Beth. That is wonderful that your son loved the mother and the child enough to support the hardships/and the blessings that disability brings about.

It's not easy, but it is rewarding in it's own way.

Take care,