Friday, August 20, 2004

Inside glow and outdoor rain

Good evening. Is Bo jumping haybales somewhere in this rain? Chances are it's "dry as a bone" down there on the farm. Here, it's raining. It sounds lively, full of thoughts, memories, longings. I want to sleep aware/awake in it's music. Half in-half out. Both young, both old.
I noticed the rain tonight after exiting the Blue Note, a famous live music bar here in town. We followed two women with low cut back blouses and tight capris. They were drunk and old and hanging onto one another, shielding off the rain with stylish purses. A man called after them, "Where's my woman? Where's my girl?" They managed lipstick-upturned wrinkled replies in the rain, "Probably in the bathroom." And, then we all ran to our cars. I walked because I had wine in me to make me slow and thoughtful.
Ah, the Blue Note. I remember long ago wearing a ruffled skirt with long underwear showing underneath (a la Madonna) to see a band who handed out a Roadkill calendar. They stirred me, though, like usual, and I hung on to every note, every run up the guitar necks. I grew up in the middle of music (my dad plunking on various instruments at all hours, having the boys over until late), and it was my language. During a break, my boyfriend told me that one of the bandmembers whispered something in my huge 80's mane, but I didn't hear anything. Caught up in something else. An impression that didn't occur on the farm. A feeling of being swept along. Excitement. Rush.
Tonight, many years later, there was no band, just a community fundraiser. Lots of people with money were present. With glued smiles, we communicated confidence, fun, interest. I made two easy commitments within the dim glow to two women to go shop and to be accountable in exercise. Yes, it's easy to enter into those obligations while in the glow. We smiled, we skirted everything in the interest of the immediate feeling of pleasure, of wine, of money. We have it.
However, I've heard lots of stories of the other side. My work with women has shown me that impressions within dim glows are never, never the reality. That's what I'm interested in. That's why I'll probably go shop and be accountable to my stockbroker friend.
Ah, the Blue Note. Lucinda Williams, I hear you, honey, still as I did during your show. I was caught up, swaying, wondering, feeling your lyrics. Life can be harsh, yes, amen, sister. The glow extinguishes itself, and we are left alone. Alone. Feel it now. Yeah. Sing another one.
Or, are we left alone? That has been one of my driving questions too.
Thank you, Blue Note, for giving me contrast and clarity and, of course, Johnny Cash, back in 1991.:)
And, now, for sleep in the rain. Good night. Sleep is needed for commitments in the morning.

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